Tips for Champions Gamers

Nothing makes you feel like a gambling champion not even online casino. Every time I feel down (and there are no kids to scream at), playing games cheers me up. Here are some tips to keep in mind on your way to becoming a high roller (or one of those depressing gimps playing shitty slot machines pissing away their life fortune)

The best game is Roulette and even then it fails.

The best game to play is roulette, because the chain smoker chicks ratio of blue-haired women with lunch-lady arms to semi-boner inducing (but still nasty) is smaller. It’s easy to win in roulette, just recall the following simple rule: Always just bet 17.

The biggest error a new comer can make is to bet on a number other than 17. This one time a guy came up to a table I was playing at and placed a bet on 3, and they all started laughing at him and then this trucker took him out and raped him in the alley. I almost felt sorry for the guy, but this served him well because he didn’t know the law.
Each player is given a different chip color when playing roulette so bets aren’t confused with other players. If you get the chips coded pink or purple, you’re definitely a loser. For chips the best color is green. If you can’t play green, then forget because you’re just going to get pissed away

Craps: too hard, play a different game.

Craps is all about lies. No one really knows how to play, so telling people to stand around the table doesn’t help because they’re too busy trying not to look stupid because they don’t even know what the hell is going on. There is too much pain in the ass, so forget it.

Slot Machines: boring

Each time you pull the handle there are just two possible outcomes:

  • You have to win. In the unlikely event you win, you’ll soon realize that even if you “hit it big,” you won’t enjoy any of the money you get because your jackass buddies will keep hitting you for cash, and there’s nothing worth buying anyway, even if they don’t.
  • You lose: In a nut shell, your life.This is it. Slot machines are nothing more. You will have seen every chance this game has to offer as soon as you win and lose (except for the occasional error, in which case you will have to wait around for one of the hardass floor managers to grace you with their presence).

Black Jack is for chicks.

Oooh, try getting 21, very big deal. Black Jack is a sure way of making money when you’re investing time into the game. The only thing is you’re normally just up $20 after two hours of playing. What most people don’t realize is they might have earned more work per hour than the $20 time they blew playing black jack.